


Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

by Scylla87



Series: Sounds of the Season [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Coldwave Winter Week 2018, Day 2: Crime Noir, Hand Jobs, M/M, Obsession, Oral Sex, PI AU, Prank Wars, Sex as distraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 19:56:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17066096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scylla87/pseuds/Scylla87
Summary: When a young girl shows up with a case too bizarre to be true, Private Investigator Leonard Snart knows it has to be the work of fellow PI and eternal nemesis Ralph Dibny. After all, Dibny has been pulling pranks like this since he moved into the office across the hall. Leonard is determined to prove it this time and pay Dibny back in kind. If only Mick Rory weren't so bent on distracting him.Coldwave Winter Week Day 2: Crime Noir + Extras 19 & 25 Candy Canes and Cards





	Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

**Author's Note:**

> I had a little more trouble with this one than the last. When I oringially wrote it I found that the story lagged a bit, and I just couldn't manage to end it properly. I am therefore eternally grateful to SophiaCatherine for taking the time to read this for me and telling me that it didn't work. Sometimes you just need a second set of eyes to look something over, and they were a tremendous help to me on that score. This is meant to be a little bit of a fun one, so I hope that you guys like it. Thanks so much for reading. Let me know what you think below. See you guys tomorrow!

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

 

Leonard Snart sighed heavily as he pulled the candy cane from his mouth. The child stood across from his desk looking at him expectantly. She had barged into the office moments before spouting what had to be the most ridiculous story he had ever heard. Surely this was a joke of some kind. And he knew exactly who would consider this to be a good joke too. Just the thought of the man had him gritting his teeth. Fucking Dibny! This ridiculous tale had him written all over it. The private detective had a yearly tradition of trying to make Snart’s life miserable. The ludicrous card he had sent the day before had been bad enough. Sending a poor child to him with a fake case was a step too far. He would pay this year if he was behind this.

 

He sighed again and stared at the girl hard as he considered the situation. Ralph Dibny had moved into the office across the hall a few years before after he’d been chased off the force by an overzealous forensic scientist; he’d been the bane in Leonard’s existence ever since. This was exactly the kind of thing that Dibny would find amusing. The story was too insane to be anything other than the work of that sick, demented mind. He wanted to throw the girl from the office, send her back to where she came from with a strong word for the person that sent her, but it was wrong to scream at children, especially when you had no proof they were involved in the crime. Instead he put on his best fake smile and tried a different approach: kill them with kindness. “You say your grandmother was the victim of a hit and run?” he asked carefully for clarification sake.

 

The girl nodded earnestly. “She was run over in front of our house. By a reindeer.”

 

He nodded with a pointed look at the office door. If this really was Dibny’s doing… Better to leave that thought for later, once the girl was gone. “Not eaten by a wolf then? I believe that is the usual method of grandma disposal.” He was careful to keep his voice even and non-accusatory.

 

The little girl shook her head. She looked so sad standing in the office, mittens clutched in her tiny hands. There were tears in her eyes as she looked up at him, just begging for him to help. The sight made his heart melt just a little. The kid was certainly good. Maybe she was here in good faith after all. He knew that he shouldn’t dismiss a client just because the case they brought smelled fishy. If he did that, he would have gone out of business long ago. Still his doubts remained. “And how do you know it was a reindeer?” he asked warily.

 

The girl reached into the pocket of her coat and pulled out a photograph. He took it without a word and glanced at the image. Sure enough, it depicted hoofprints in the snow surrounded by a pool of blood. Blood clearly the wrong color at that. The child sniffed. “The policemen laughed,” she said indignantly, if a child so young could be said to be indignant. “They wouldn’t even look for her. And they kept making jokes about her drinking too much eggnog. I don’t even know what eggnog is or if it’s something grandma would drink.”

 

“And what about your parents?”

 

The girl shifted awkwardly. “They said the police were right that it’s just some mean prank, but grandma wouldn’t do something like that. She wouldn’t just disappear before Christmas.” She nodded emphatically to accent her point.

 

Snart studied the photo again. The whole thing was fishy. It was too neat, too clean, and the blood a little too red. He considered it. There was no way that this was genuine. But what was the girl’s part exactly? He had to get rid of her if he was ever going to get to the bottom of this. “I’ll tell you what. I will look into this and let you know what I find.”

 

The girl didn’t move from her station across from his desk. “That means you have to go,” he explained. “I can’t do much investigating with you hovering over me. Come back tomorrow and I’ll let you know what I found out.”

 

“Are you going to arrest Santa?”

 

The question was so absurd, made more so by the fact that the questioner probably genuinely believed in the big guy. “I haven’t conclusively deduced that this was Santa. I’m sure plenty of people have reindeer operating at this time of year. And I don’t arrest people anyway. That’s what cops do, and I’m not a cop. I locate missing people, that’s my job. By the amount of blood at the scene I would say that your grandmother was injured but not killed. My partner and I will do our best to find her and bring her home, while also bringing the culprit to justice.” The last part he was particularly interested in. Yes, he very much wanted Dibny brought to justice.

 

The girl nodded and allowed herself to be ushered out the door. Snart glared after her, careful to keep his gaze from the office across from his own. He did not like this situation at all. Run over by a reindeer. He scoffed at the notion. More likely grandma would be found knitting scarves somewhere perfectly fine while his nemesis laughed. Whatever was going on, he had to be in on it. There was nothing he loved more than wasting Leonard’s time with his absurd version of humor. Yes, Dibny would pay for this! He slammed his office door closed with a snap and began to prepare a plan of attack.

 

 

Mick Rory pushed open the door to the office he had shared for the better part of a decade with one of his oldest friends. He had had a good day trailing the cheating husband of one of their hotter clients and was keen to let Snart in on the breakthrough he had made camped out in front of the Central City Grand. The sight of the board wiped the pleased smile from his face. Apparently his partner had taken a new case while he was gone, what was clearly some sort of faked death scenario. Something about the photo in the center of the board unnerved him. Or maybe it was the way the other man was staring daggers at the image that was so unnerving. “Something going on?”

 

Leonard shook himself from his thoughts. “Can we kill Dibny?” he asked without preamble.

 

Mick glanced behind him toward the office across the hall. Of course. “What’d he do now?”

 

Snart pointed to the photo he’d been glaring at. Mick glanced at the photo for a long moment. “I’m not sure what that is. Fake blood. Weird prints in the snow.” He leaned closer to the image and examined the tracks. “Hoofs?”

 

“We have a new client. You just missed her. About eight years old, very adorable, says her grandma was run over by a reindeer.”

 

“But it’s not even Christmas Eve,” Mick said absently as he continued to look at the photo.

 

The response seemed to give Snart pause. “What would Christmas Eve have to do with it?”

 

Mick looked up from the photo in shock. “Like the song. I know you’re Jewish, but ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’ is a classic. You know, ‘grandma got run over by a reindeer, coming home from our house Christmas Eve.”

 

The annoyed look on his partner’s face was answer enough as he snapped, “I know the song.” That was clearly a lie, but Mick let it pass.

 

“Anyway,” he said with a sigh, “this blood is the wrong color. We thinking grandma faked her death?”

 

Snart nodded. “That’s what I thought about the blood. And the hoofprints are too neat as well. I’m thinking this has to be Dibny’s doing. He’s been dying to get back at me for telling his bookie where to find him. And he particularly loves torturing us at the holidays.” The memory of his prank from last year came readily to even Mick’s mind. It had been evil to a level even he hadn’t known possible, and he knew that the other man was dying to get back at him for it. “I’m going to solve this and show him,” Snart muttered to himself.

 

Mick gestured at the photo. “I’m sure that this has nothing to do with your ongoing war with the neighbors.”

 

“So how do we retaliate?” his partner said, completely ignoring him.

 

Mick rolled his eyes. “You’re an adult Leonard. Is a prank war really necessary?”

 

“You didn’t see how upset she was. This girl thinks he killed her grandma. She’ll be devastated if we don’t help her. Besides, he has pranked me every year since he set up shop across the hall. I can’t let him just get away with it again.”

 

Mick groaned. “The kid may be in on it.”

 

Snart scoffed again. “Of course the kid is in on it. I’m not stupid Mick. But how did Dibny get her to help? That is the question.”

 

Mick sighed and plopped down in the chair behind his desk. “Maybe he knows her or something. Dibny has got to have family somewhere. He convinces grandma to lay low for a while and sends the kid to make you crazy. Step two is working as planned.”

 

 “Did you see the ludicrous card he sent us?” Snart asked, ignoring the dig. “I felt like I needed to delouse just because I touched it.”

 

Mick rolled his eyes again. “Maybe he was just trying to be neighborly.” A foreign concept to him, but he suggested it all the same.

 

“No,” his partner said, “he’s up to something.”

 

It took all he had for Mick not to laugh. Only Ralph Dibny had to ability to wind Leonard up like this. “Sure,” he said with a sigh. He dug around in his desk and pulled out a bottle of booze. Leonard turned to look at him as he did and obviously tried hard not to frown. It was only ten in the morning, but it was suddenly seeming like a very long day indeed. Snart said nothing as he took a swig. He had learned long ago to say nothing about his partner’s drinking. As long as he got the job done, there was nothing to complain about. As the liquor burned down his throat Mick turned back to look at him. “Are you really going to let pointy fuck face drive you crazy with this?” he asked with a pointed glare at the corkboard they used to keep track of their investigations.

 

Snart glared at him for a moment. Even before the man spoke Mick knew that he had no intention of letting this go. “Let’s go over what the girl told me,” he said, completely ignoring Mick when he rolled his eyes. “She said that her grandmother was leaving the family home after dinner when they heard a crash. When they went outside there was the fake blood and hoof prints but no body.” He paused to stab at the photo pointedly. “The police laughed when the girl reported it.”

 

Mick rolled his eyes again. “Of course they did.” He looked over the bottle at Leonard. “This is what Dibny wants,” he said, waving the bottle in Leonard’s general direction. “The crazier you end up the better.”

 

“I’m aware of that! Doesn’t mean I want to just let him get away with it.”

 

There was a long moment where both men stared at each other. “Fine! I will play along, for now. What are you thinking?”

 

Leonard grinned broadly. “You won’t regret this. This year I am going to get Dibny back.”

 

Mick rolled his eyes again. “You say that every year.”

 

The grin still firmly in place, Leonard shrugged. “But this year I mean it. Dibny is going down.” He glanced over at the photo of the hoofprints one more time. “Yes, he is definitely going down this year.”

 

Mick merely rolled his eyes and took another drink. This was not how he imagined that the rest of the day was going to go. He had hoped that they would celebrate him cracking the other case, but if Snart was obsessing over Dibny again, that was unlikely to happen. “You should take a break from this.”

 

Snart looked at him askance. “Why?”

 

“Help you think. You tackle jobs better when you relax a little.”

 

The reminder did nothing to ease the tension in the other man’s shoulders. “But Dibny?”

 

“Will still be a dipshit.”

 

Snart laughed at that but still turned back to the board intently. With a groan Mick rose from his desk and walked over to the other man. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him flush against him. “I had a good morning,” he said pointedly as he leaned down to kiss his partner despite the awkward angle. He tasted like peppermint. “Have you been getting into the candy canes?” Mick asked, suddenly diverted from what he had been going for.

 

Leonard glanced away awkwardly. “I only had one,” he admitted defensively.

 

“Those were for the party.”

 

“Nothing to do with this,” Snart muttered.

 

The words brought Mick back to why he was standing here. His partner needed to relax. Even just standing against him the tension in the man’s every muscle was obvious. “You need a break,” Mick told him.

 

“I don’t have time for a break.”

 

Leonard had barely gotten those words past his lips before the man behind him reached down and brushed against where his cock was. Years of practice had made finding it easy. “And?”

 

Mick increased the pressure he was applying. He knew that he could make Snart hard without much effort at all. Already the man was thickening up beneath his fingers. He was careful to stroke along the growing hardness with just enough force to cause the maximum amount of friction. “Let the case go.”

 

Snart’s head fell back against his shoulder as he sighed. The bulge in his pants told Mick that what he was doing was working. If he could only get the man to come, he might forget all about his stupid plan for a while. “You always get so worked up,” he whispered in the man’s ear.

 

A soft sigh was his only answer so he rubbed harder. The dick beneath his hand twitched faintly. “Should I pull you out to stroke you or make you come like this?” Both were options he wanted very much. When the other man said nothing, making him come in his pants won out.

 

Mick’s grip was firm, the heel of his hand digging into the other man in the way he knew that he liked. A soft groan fell from the man’s lips. It was obvious that he needed this. Mick needed this too. He took a moment to rub his own hard cock along the man’s ass. “Fuck you feel good even like this.”

 

Snart gasped sharply and jerked against him. His body slackened as he sighed. “I hate that you know how to do that.” His voice was barely a whisper.

 

Mick chuckled in his ear. “Not when I’m doing it.”

 

Leonard groaned. “Now I’ve got come all over my leg.”

 

The reminder only made Mick laugh even harder. In another mood he might have offered to fix that, but for now he liked the idea too much to say a word about it. “Pity. Why’s that?”

 

“Because you’re an asshole!”

 

Mick laughed again and pulled his hand away from the man’s crotch. “I should let you get back to work now,” he said as he walked back to his desk.

 

This partner sighed loudly but refused to rise to the bait. Instead he tried to redouble his focus on what he had been examining before. Mick watched him intently, not even remotely done with his games. Getting Snart off once didn’t seem enough somehow, but he was determined not to go to him again. He leaned back in his chair and considered the options. It only took a moment, his hard cock the only inspiration he needed. He pulled himself free. “You know Snart,” he said, stroking himself slowly, “I think I’ve found something else that was run over by a reindeer.”

 

Leonard rolled his eyes. “Why do you have to…” He trailed off as he caught side of Mick with his dick in his hand. The look on his face was plain. “I suppose that is meant to distract me further?” he asked as he glared at Mick with narrowed eyes.

 

“Yes.”

 

He nodded to himself for a moment. “Just as long as we’re clear about the objective of this blowjob,” Snart said as he crossed the room and fell to his knees.

 

Mick chuckled to himself as he let his hand fall away to make room for the other man. It was starting to look like an even better morning than he had thought. His partner always gave the best head when he was all worked up. Maybe there was some use to the moron across the hall after all. He might have to thank Dibny for this. It was an interesting thought but was quickly pushed from his mind as Leonard’s mouth wrapped around him. Yes, it was turning into a very good morning indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> The poll is now closed and the winner is: [ All I Want For Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17132309)


End file.
